Rough Draft Fantasy Football: Week Six
Hooligans (Jay’s Team) vs. LA Paw (Sean’s Team)
Jay: Welllllll, welllllll, welllll. Here we are again. Another week, another win for the Hooligans… but I mean, was there ever any doubt? Not here. Being the Belichick like coach that I am, I made the GENIUS move in picking up Gronk and benching an ON FIRE Kelce. What’d that do for me you ask? Oh just a 17 point difference. I then picked up Baltimore’s Dee which got me 20 points. Jesus, now it’s just feeling like I’m picking on these guys. I should change my name to the Bullies. JUUUUST BULLYING THE LEAGUE. I mean it also didn’t help that Sean “brought in Deshaun Watson’s go-to RB DeAndre Hopkins” last week, seeing how DeAndre Hopkins is a wide receiver… DUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMBSHIIIIIITT. I swear, It’s starting to get out of hand. I mean before the week, Sean was pretty confident but I had to tell him ‘hold on PLAYBOY, I’m about to lay down a little PAW and order. Ain’t NUTTIN’ BUT A TREE THANG son”. This week I play Mike again, so do we just give me the W now? or wait till Monday?
Sean: Wow. Talk about a rough draft! This week was a shocker to the system. Before the first game of the weekend I made a tough decision deciding to put Aaron Rodgers on the bench and bring out my secret weapon, Deshaun Watson. Lucky Strategic move. First off, it’s a tragedy what’s happened to Rodgers. I hope he makes a speedy recovery. As far as my FF team goes. NOOOOOO!!!!! This could definitely be a turning point in my season. To balance out the QB move, I also brought in Watson’s go-to RB DeAndre Hopkins. They’ve both been putting up incredible numbers. Now both of them have a bye this week so I had to make MORE adjustments. C’mon, man! Like a rookie I brought in the Jacksonville defense since Seattle was on their bye. Another mistake. Now I’ve got Seattle back in the system. It kills me that Jay’s stupid all-star team won. But, I DID guarantee it, so I guess like always I’m the best team owner for a sixth week in a row. I know how to call them. I just had a series of unfortunate events that precluded me from completing this effort with a positive outcome (Re-reading that really does sound a lot better than ‘I lost.’ I got to shift the blame from myself to a filthy case of bad luck. And, since Jay hasn’t written his summary yet and I won’t read this post again, I can live this week like the last one never happened.) Oh, and I still lead in points total. Watch your back.
‘Every game we’re looking to go 1-0.’ – The Reverend Russell Wilson
Nun But A Tree Thang (Mike’s Team) vs. Kano the Playboy (Kane’s Team)
Mike: Wow, what an accomplished week of pretend football. I broke my losing streak on bye week! Even though Russell Wilson was out this week Mariota still got me fifteen points! I’ll take it! I think the two players I have to thank the most are my running backs Leonard Fournette and Melvin Gordon. Just proves that when you get those rushing touchdowns and yardage bonuses it can do a lot for a team! Mike Evans also with a not too shabby performance of fifteen points makes me a happy chainsaw wielding nun! I really wish I got to beat Jay or Sean instead of Kane to try to even things out, but I feel like this is the turning point. We’re almost halfway through the season and I’m making some waiver adds and drops to start the comeback! I face Jay next week so hopefully Julio Jones starts making moves! I’m gonna need it!
Kane: I love how much I hate this league! The people involved, the person who’s idea it was, the fact that my team is a training ground for the handicapped! Demaryius Thomas picks up 12 points before he’s injured and questionable, greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaat! Emmanuel Sanders does something points wise then sprained his ankle, grrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaT! C.J. Anderson is in perfect condition and picked up one fucking point, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyone who does a goddamn thing to keep me in the game is my kicker Ryan Succop. I’m just going to pick up all kickers, then I think I’ll have a chance. Whatever, I’m going to throw in Jordan Howard and hope he does something decent for week 7, but my wishes never come true. So I wish for Sean a triumphant win. I’m going to take a nap, deuces!