Rough Draft Fantasy Football: Week Five
Hooligans (Jay’s Team) v. Kano the Playboy (Kane’s Team)
98.82 – 67.88
Jay: This league’s quickly becoming a 2 man race with Sean & I. I mean I already beat Sean once, sooooooo… My week vs. Kane went about as I thought. No lucky fluke week like Kane had last time we faced. I even sat AJ Green for him, to try and at LEAST make it competitive but it was still a blow out. This week I’m facing Sean again and knowing how fantasy football goes for me, Sean’s gonna win. It’ll be some random reason like one of my stud players stubs a toe on his way to the field and sits out, or Sean does some number crunching or internet sleuthing on some random player, finds some fact like the guy just had a kid, mom passed away, recently beat cancer or some other motivating thing and Sean will find him, put him into his lineup and the guy will go off for 79 points. Great. Guaranteeing Sean’s winning this week. GUARANTEED! 😉
Kane: I guess like Will Smith’s parents, I just don’t understand. Bye week hell had me make some moves with who is left in the middle of the season. Well here we go, Ben “Eli” Roethlisberger played exactly the way he looks, rapey. Seven fucking, do nothing points and so many turnovers you would have thought it was thanksgiving. DeVante Parker busted his goddamn, cracker thin ankle and was out immediately. Cameron Brate kicked some ass and looked great, Marshawn out performed but everyone was just as disappointing as my grades from 8th-11th grade. I go up against Mikey with a good chance of pulling in a win, but Mary Mother of a Hot Monkey Dick give me a fucking break already. I’m doing some tinkering, but my life is in the hands of this hunk o’ shit team that LOVES getting hurt. Also I would like to acknowledge what Jay is doing up there! Knock it off, stupid, we all know what you’re playing at. UGh!
__ (~ ~) __
\ /JAY \ /
LA Paw (Sean’s Team) v. Nun but a Tree Thing (Mike’s Team)
122.74 – 79.12
Sean: Wow. Talk about a rough draft! Feeling pretty good about the season so far! Putting up solid numbers and shaking out the bugs. Gurley wasn’t his usual self last week and Le’Veon Bell didn’t put up the numbers I was hoping. But, I still worked the Nun’s and feel super awesome about it. I’m trying something different by pulling out Aaron Rodgers for the next game and giving DeShaun Watson a shot. Don’t get me wrong, Rodgers has been a strong QB, of course, but Watson’s been putting up incredible numbers over the last few games and next week he’ll face off against the winless Browns who are also 25th in the league for scoring defense. We’ll see. But, I’ve got to be honest with you. I’m not sure it matters. Jay’s team, as much as I hate them, are OBVIOUSLY going to come out on top. Let me tell you why… Just a few reasons. 1) Brady’s shoulder is in perfect condition and won’t bother him at all. He’s at 100% and there’s absolutely nothing that could happen to change that. 2) Kelce won’t have any concussion issues after being put on CP last week. AND 3) I know for a fact, without doubt, that Jordy Nelson’s back issues are over without a trace of pain or stiffness. All in all, I would disagree wholeheartedly with Jay. I KNOW, GUARANTEE, AND HAVE NO DOUBT that his team will win. If there was a word more definitive than ‘guarantee’ I would slide it here. Oh, and one more thing… STILL IN FIRST PLACE!!!!
Mike: My team makes me want to take a long walk off a short pier.