Star Wars Keeps Losing Directors- Who Cares??
Why is Star Wars cinema royalty? What are so many conventions and news strories revolve around Star Wars? There are eight movies, with two more on the way, only three and half of the movies are any good. A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, Rogue One and the last half of Return of the Jedi. Now that Disney owns Marvel and Star Wars, they are attempting to conquer the cinematic world. Continuing the Skywalker story, while branching out to one off connected stories, Star Wars is fucking everywhere.
What’s Going On?
So on the upcoming Han Solo spin off movie(because every franchise needs to connect *jerk off motion*) the directing minds behind the successful “Lego Movie,” were fired. Chris Miller and Phil Lord were hired by the Disney execs for their talent as fun loving story tellers, who make a lot of money at the box office. Then they get let go, apparently they were TOO fun loving and it didn’t match up with Disney’s overall vision.
So they replaced them with Ron Howard, the fun loving director of family friendly movies like Rush. Rush is a movie about two, rival Formula 1 racers, one of whom, crashes his race car and burns close to death. I was in tears I was laughing so hard, what a family friendly movie. Whatever…
Don’t get me wrong, Apollo 13 is a great movie and Ron Howard made the right move from decent looking actor to crypt creeper director.
Star Wars: Ep. IX
So J.J Abrams, the guy who made one good Star Trek movie, makes one bad Star Wars movie that explodes at the box office! Whatever… So next up is The Last Jedi directed by Rian Johnson, I don’t know how it is, it hasn’t come out yet. Rian Johnson directed “Looper,” which was great. A time traveling Bruce Willis being hunted by Joseph Gordon Levitt doing a Bruce Willis impression? I think so! So let’s say, its going to be the greatest Star Wars movie ever, it doesn’t matter.
After that is the finale to the new era Star Wars trilogy, which was supposed to be directed by Colin Trevorrow. He directed the half good Jurassic World, the movie where that assistant lady gets eating by that dinosaur shark, seemingly out of nowhere. That movie also explodes at the box office, so Disney be like, “get him…” Then another instance of unmanageable relationships between the director and the Disney overlords, Colin is fired.
Apparently everyone does, because there is story after story about it on the net. Constant coverage on all kinds of news cycles over this bullshit. Check out this video on YouTube of these two nerds discussing it like football commentators.
I guess where I struggle with giving a hot shit, is, Star Wars isn’t that good to begin with. It’s aight, seriously, there are so many better movies/movie franchises out there. Just let this thing die! FUCK! You saw Anakin become Darth Vader then Luke kill Darth after he finds his humanity, no more Jedi left. It done, over, finished, for the love of all that is good and pure in the world. Star Wars is becoming the, “you had to be there,” guy of movie franchises. It happened in the 70’s-80’s and it took over the world. Now we have superheroes, Tarantino and HBO… Okay?? It’s over!! Please!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!