First Time Friday’s- Today in 1974 President Ford Pardons Nixon
Today in 1974 we have a first time triple whammy! Richard “Everything’s Coming Up Milhouse” Nixon, the first president to resign from office, becomes the first President to be pardoned for the crimes he committed while in office. His pardon comes from Gerald Ford Tough, the first unelected President, due to his predecessor’s shitty wire tapping escapades.
What were President Nixon’s crimes you ask? You’re younger than a mellennial? You don’t even remember when Nixon was just a head in a water tank on Futurama? It’s called “Watergate” and ya’ll need to pick up an education kindle and learn some history, ya punk ass!
The Watergate scandal began early in the morning of June 17, 1972, when several burglars were arrested in the office of the Democratic National Committee, located in the Watergate complex of buildings in Washington, D.C. This was no ordinary robbery: The prowlers were connected to President Richard Nixon’s reelection campaign, and they had been caught wiretapping phones and stealing documents. Nixon took aggressive steps to cover up the crime afterwards, and in August 1974, after his role in the conspiracy was revealed, Nixon resigned. The Watergate scandal changed American politics forever, leading many Americans to question their leaders and think more critically about the presidency.
Like any solid politician and leader of the nation, he lied about it. Do you ever wonder where the catch phrase “I am not a crook” comes from?
Then due to public pressure, a heaping bowl of evidence and only one option left, he resigns. The old, “You can’t fire me and throw me in prison for conspiracy, I quit and hope there is no jail time! Sucka.”
What I love about the speech is, he never admits to the wrongdoing and more then once let’s us know he would have completed his full term as President. It’s like Nixon is breaking up with America, but he doesn’t want the relationship to end. “Listen we need to break up, not that I want to but my folks think it’s for the best. I mean I would have married you, even though you caught me rummaging through your purse and reading your text messages, but I gotta go.”
August 9, 1974 Ford takes the office, September 8, 1974 Ford pardons Nixon, absolving him of all his crimes. Almost a full month after Nixon bounces and Ford saddles up to be President, he free’s him from all his tomfoolery! So naturally the nation thinks there was a back door deal. The public thinks Nixon is a cheat and crook, even though he done says he ain’t, but the evidence is overwhelming. However, we can’t have a President in prison, this is America goddammit! Especially a President that forged diplomatic ties with China and the Soviet Union, withdrew troops from the Vietnam War, ended the draft and was in office during Apollo 11 landing on the moon. The President that ended the space race and had an American flag planted on the moons surface, can’t be in a orange jump suit picking up McDonald’s burger wrappers on the side of the highway.
So, in this comedians humble opinion, a back door deal was struck that Nixon resign, Ford takes over and in return Ford pardons Nixon and gives him a big ol’ kiss on the mouth every time they go golfing. Here is a clip of Ford on the Merv Griffin show talking about how there was no back door deal, even though he says that one of Nixons options was some sort of back door deal? Watch to see what I’m talking about.
What I learned from this; never employ snitch ass, rat finks who will turn on a dime. Because you will lose the chance to be President again, but that’s it. Everything else stays the same, as long as your bestest friend is President after you. Otherwise you might learn an actual lesson.