The Lottery is 700 Million & Mark Cuban’s advice is shit!
Right now the Powerball is up to 700 Million, the 2nd highest it’s ever been in it’s history. Yahoo! posted an article with advice from bajillionaire Mark Cuban, on what to do if you were to win this huge lottery. Let’s break it down…
- Hire a tax attorney first.
The first thing Mark says to do is hire a tax attorney. I think this is the ONLY thing I agree with Cuban on. Uncle Sam’s gonna come knocking and you wanna make sure you’re all good there.
- Don’t take the lump sum. You don’t want to blow it all in one spot.
FUCK THIS! You don’t want to blow it all? Hey Mark, you can’t take it with you, so fuck saving it. I could have a fahking heart attack next month. You want me to check out with money in the bank? No sir. I wanna die FROM my winnings! Traveling, partying, drinking, hookers. I want one of those vices to kill me rather than settle down, put some away for a rainy day, YUCK.
- If you weren’t happy yesterday, you won’t be happy tomorrow. It’s money. It’s not happiness.
You know who gives the “money doesn’t buy happiness” advice? People that are fucking RICH and living everyones GOD DAMN dream life. OR poor people, trying to argue with rich people. “Oh, you’re going on a cruise, banging super models, playing in the world series of poker with all your friends… well, money doesn’t buy happiness you know…” fahk off.
- If you were happy yesterday, you are going to be a lot happier tomorrow. It’s money. Life gets easier when you don’t have to worry about the bills.
See up above. Money improves everything. Whether I was happy or sad yesterday, you tell me you’re giving me 350 MILLION DOLLARS (after taxes, Uncle Sam), I’m gonna be happy. I’ve NEVER heard anyone in the history of life say “I just wish, I had less money…”
- Tell all your friends and relatives no. They will ask. Tell them no. If you are close to them, you already know who needs help and what they need. Feel free to help SOME, but talk to your accountant before you do anything and remember this, no one needs $1 million for anything. No one needs $100,000 for anything. Anyone who asks is not your friend.
First off, “friends” you won’t have to tell “no” because your real friends would never ask something as stupid as “hey can you float me 1 million dollars”? Also, my friends I would already be hooking up. I’ve long said if I ever won the lottery, I’d buy a cul de sac of houses and move all my buddies into each one of the houses, maybe have bridges going from house to house. AWESOME!
- You don’t become a smart investor when you win the lottery. Don’t make investments. You can put it in the bank and live comfortably. Forever. You will sleep a lot better knowing you won’t lose money.
I’m gonna invest in my having the greatest life ever. Friends, family and the ability to literally do, buy, see anything I want in the world. There’s your investment advice.
So come tonight, hopefully I’ll win this Powerball and you can all hit me up on Twitter with your million dollar investment ideas!