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[Exclusive] FRAT LIKE ME: Issue #2 “Jagerlympics”

[Exclusive] FRAT LIKE ME: Issue #2 “Jagerlympics”
JR Berard

The ‘Frat Like Me’ Issues are a series of real stories compiled from the college years of several of my friends, myself and writers associated with Podaholics. We all engaged in some really stupid behavior, the hilarious consequences of which will finally be spoken of here. No, relatively few of us were “Frat” or “Bro” enough to make it into the cookie cutter Fraternities on many college campuses, but that never stopped us from “being awesome” in the heat of the moment and living life to the fullest for those glorious years known as COLLEGE.

Picture walking down a long, dark street, a light flickering in the distance and the faint sound of music can be heard. As the light draws near, 75 drunk boys and girls emerge carrying the sacred Tiki Torch, waving flags and chaperoning sorority girls, accompanied by a iPod dock playing the Olympic theme. Welcome to Jagerlympics[1].

Those are teams’ designated County’s flags that are being waved, dates they’re picking up and a scene is what they are making; this is a night where men are separated from degenerate alcoholics.

In any fraternity or sorority, there are Date Dashes [or Grab-a-date’s] such as Jagerlympics:

Date Dash noun \dayte dashe`\

: A Greek Row date function that includes free shirts and booze for women when invited be men and vice versa

: A night marred by the worst fucking decisions you’ll make all semester, in front of a person you want to have sex with

Jagerlympics was the mother of all Date Dashes in my fraternity. As its co-founder with fellow Podaholic, Tyler Smith, we were able to create one of the most competitive drinking events (even before Beerfest was a thing) people could witness. And it really only became more intense as my college career progressed. Girls on campus were almost as excited as we were,

“You’re a D-U right? Hot, hey when’s that jaeger thing you guys do? BT-dub[2] I really wanna go.”

“It’s called Jagerlympics.”

“Whatever, OMG[3] do you have a date?”

To put it simply, Jagerlympics is the most economic way to make 150 people blackout before 10 p.m.. Teams of 8 (four guys and their dates), with two or more gallons of Jagermeister and a poor decision making process by a collective of college students are what make up the event. Teams pick a country to represent while they compete, if you like an underdog, pick Bosnia like we always did. Deck out in Jager shirts and practice your drinking abilities in the weeks leading up to the event, although nothing really prepares a person to consume that much fucking jager in one night.

Now the events, holy fucking shit lets talk about the events:

Hurdles: Slam two shots of jager, drink a tall boy of busch light, followed by two more shots of jager. Ready??

Six Shooter: You and a date slam six shots of jager as fast as possible.

Thumper: (Team Event) vs. another teams each person picks a designated movement or gesture, one person does theirs and then another players to pass the opportunity to fail around the table, everybody else drums until they’re called into action… or fail to do so. Drink asshole!

Jager Pong: Do I really need to explain?

Shave the Balloon: Remember the movie Heavyweights? I always thought we should put in a couple sober events, because I’m a huge pussy.

Dizzy Chug: Spin around a baseball bat 10 times, then make your way across the room to, you guessed it, some jager for you to chug.

The Long Pour: One team mate standing on a chair pouring, another lying on the ground receiving. I say receiving because this event takes place later on in the night, most people are blacking out by this point.

Keg Toss: Yep.

Balloon Pop: A guy and girl from each team hug with a balloon in between them until it pops, contrary to popular belief, this is SO HARD to do with a large breasted woman.

Keep in mind, all these events are done numerous times until one team is left standing, or you’ve bribed our Sober Referees[4] appropriately. Every one of my four Jagerlympic events concluded with Gold, Silver and Bronze medal teams along with 126 people who were seriously butt-hurt about the results. There were tons of other events that came and went as younger kids came into the fraternity and put their mark on it, but those were the core events that really made us look like alcoholics, but like, kind of fun alcoholics.

To be honest, my favorite part about any party we threw, were the mornings after. Sitting in a room with other brothers, hearing them piece together eachother’s nights, awkward and failed sexual conquests, guys still drunk and trying not the embarrass themselves. Seriously, if a guy can puke and rally after Jagerlympics, he’s pretty fucking hardcore.

So if you’re in a pinch for party ideas and want to do something really stupid and fun, Jagerlympics may be for you. Have a story where you partook in something really stupid when you were younger? Post it below with some contact info and we’ll reach out, maybe it’ll make the cut for FRAT LIKE ME. OR tweet your best drunk/college story to @berardjr #fratlikeme.

Tune in next time for Issue #3: “Detox”

[1] The idea was “a lot of people like drinking Jager every now and again, so why don’t we get all that done for the year – in one night?” – Flawless logic.

[2] Actually saying “By the way” takes the same amount of time to say and makes you look so much ‘less stupid’.

[3] What the fuck did I just get through saying? Seriously, many (not all) Sorority girls speak this way.

[4] Are you fucking kidding me? Of course you need sober people officiating.

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